Wait Till The End

OK, now that the Democrats caved and gave Bush his war money I don't even want to think about politics. Big business runs this country and Republicans and Democrats are just a dog and pony show so we think we live in a democracy. All the time and energy I wasted on those bastards. For what? The Democrats have both the House and the Senate and absolutely nothing has changed. NOTHING.
But I did find this funny video on You Tube. Wait till the end. You'll be glad you did :)

The Real Meaning Of Life

“As my father said to me as he lay dying in my arms, “I never understood any of it. I never did”
The Boys In The Band

I’ve been seeing physiatrists all my life. Frankly I think most are mentally ill and chose that profession to help themselves. I know what they are going to say before they say it and usually hate going to them. Except one. His name was Dr. Glass and is now practicing in New York. He said two of the most insightful things to me I’ve ever heard.
I once spent thirty days in the most luxurious loony bin on the face of the earth. It was called “The Institute Of Pennsylvania Hospital”. Judy Garland stayed there and I was in the very room James Taylor wrote, “Fire And Rain”. I don’t know how I ended up there but at this point I was really a mess. AIDS just hit and I went so crazy I’m surprised they even let me go.
While I was there I was given a battery of tests. Almost everyday there was another test. When they were through I was sent to Dr. Glass’ office. He had a stack of papers two feet high. I walked in sat down and waited for the verdict. “You know you have a genius I.Q.” I said no, I didn’t know that. “It doesn’t matter though because you have absolutely no ambition.” “Is that bad” I asked. “It is what it is” he said. As I sat there wondering if I’d been insulted or not he started asking me the most bizarre questions.
“What color is the lamp behind you?”, “What is the third painting of on the left side of the hallway to this office? Without looking down, tell me the color of the rug in this room?” What was the last person wearing before you came in here?” He asked a lot of those questions and I answered every one correctly.
Then he said this,"Your main problem Michael, not your only problem, but your main problem is that you take in too much. You see every thing as equal in importance. This is very unusual". “Well that’s just great”, I said, “any more good news?” “You also live five minutes in the future”. “And what the hell does that mean?” I asked. He then turned the clock around and asked, “What time is it?” I said four minutes to three. “And what exactly are you thinking right now?” “How to open the door to leave. I don’t see the usual tissue box on your desk. I don’t know how I’m going to open it without them”.” Exactly” he said. Then he took the tissue box from were he was hiding it, and asked, “Do you understand now?”
I was completely floored. He was absolutely right. About everything.
“Now what” I asked. “Now I will see you as an outpatient, twice a week. Your insurance will cover it”. “Will I get better?” I feebly asked. “If you want to.” And with that I left.
After that I did get better, but it took a very long time. And as you all now by now I had a bit of a relapse. There’s just too much information. Twenty four hours a day. And I want to know it all. But, as the expression goes, the more I learn the less I know.
So what did I finally learn? The most important thing in this life is to have fun. Make it a priority. We are never going to figure out this life. So why bother? Make friends, without them you are nothing.
And the saddest part of all is that my Father told me that everyday of his life. He once said to me,”Michael isn’t it great just to walk down the street?” I looked at him like he was crazy. He laughed and just said, “One day you’ll understand”
Well Dad now I understand. Tell God no more nervous breakdowns for me. Are you proud of me? I know, stupid question.

Note:Two masters at work.I should tell you that it takes a couple minures before they sing. But when they do, chills.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

This song say it better than I possibly ever could. Merry Christmas.

High Speed Christmas Float Police Chase

We all know Christmas is stressful as hell, yet every year we all go through it. Unless you have children, I really don’t understand why. Yet we do, year after year. This year my Mother, sister and I decided to boycott it. My brother never celebrated it because he’s a Jehovah’s Witness. They don’t even celebrate birthdays.
After hearing about our boycott, all my aunts, uncles and cousins completely flipped out. It got so bad that yesterday my sister drove down from Maryland to take us to her house. Mike and I couldn’t go for many reasons. So we have to sit though three dinners today and tomorrow. There is just no escaping it.
Then I read this story. The story about the high speed police chase is so funny to me, it almost made the whole thing worth while. Just picture it. Picture the look on the peoples faces on the float. Picture the look on the spectators faces. And just how fast can a float go that it took the cops three miles to catch the guy. I would have given anything to be there.
There was another incident in this articles that I cut out. It wasn’t at all funny. As a matter f fact, it was scary as hell.


Christmas Brings Strange Seasonal Crimes

There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels.
'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts.

David Allen Rodgers, 42, was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated — at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C. According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float with 19 people aboard, ran a red light and led police on a 3-mile chase.
Police said that when Rodgers finally stopped, they found an open container of alcohol in his truck. "I made a very bad judgment on my part," Rodgers said at a court hearing.

In Chicago, 32 plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen from nativity scenes set up in people's front yards. The kidnappers then lined up all the dolls along the fence outside a Chicago woman's home; she rounded them up and turned them over to her parish priest.

Similar creche crimes occurred in 35 cities from Fayateville, N.C., to Mission Viejo, Calif., according to The Catholic League, which tracks nativity vandalism.
In Houghton, Mich., somebody stole an inflatable Grinch from outside an apartment complex. That was just one instance in the area's rash of seasonal thievery: Two brown plastic reindeer, a baby Jesus statue and several wreaths were also stolen.

In Ohio's Hamilton County, a pair of 18-year-olds were arrested for using screwdrivers to stab an inflatable 12-foot-tall Frosty the Snowman. "Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?"
The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attacks. (ROTFLMAO!!!)

Two other local teens were arrested in an unrelated incident where they allegedly smashed a car with a large decorative candy cane, causing $1,000 worth of damage.
An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith's arrest.

A real-life Grinch in Yonkers, N.Y., made off with $14,000 in staff bonuses and money from the office safe during a Christmas party, police said. Daniel Rios, 38, spent $7,500 in cash but returned about $6,500 in checks, authorities said.

Mike Takes A Vacation

Just in case anyone gets worried about me, I won’t be online for a week or two. The best way I can explain why is that a need a vacation. From Everything. I don’t know why, but I do. So don’t worry, I’m not in some prison or mental institution. I’m quit safe but not quit sound. So before I snap, I need to just take a breathe and just sit back for awhile. I’ll be back before you know it. And I’ll think of you all everyday. Keep fighting the good fight for me. I’ll me back, stronger than ever. Count on it.

Day Three: The Worst

Sorry folks. Nothing remotely funny at all happened Sunday. It was, by far, the hardest day yet. I found myself reaching for cigarettes the entire day. To top it off, in the middle of trying to figure something about the Medicare Prescription Plan for my Mother I had a full blown anxiety attack. Now I’ve had them before and usually I get a warning before it gets out of control. Not this time. Sheer terror out of nowhere. Luckily my doctor prescribes Klonopin for these, but it felt like an eternity before they took effect. If there where cigarettes in this house I would have definitely smoked them.

What I think happened was that the gum delayed the withdrawal and it finally fully hit me Sunday. To top it off, I got a call from my Mother last night telling me that she fell down the stairs and she couldn’t get up. So we drove right up there only to find her sitting quit calmly on the sofa. “I tried to call you Mike. I guess it was just a charlie horse.” she explained. “But you said you fell down the stairs!” I said.” I did”, she relied, “Well one stair anyway. But I did fall right on my face and I couldn’t get up. I was really “ascared””.
I didn’t know whether to hug or strangle her.

So if Sunday was the worst of it, I made it though. With a little help from Klonopin and my friends, but I made it.

I wanted this to be a three day journal and it will be. Unless something dramatically changes this will be the last full post about it. I think I made it past the worst of it. Still, I know it's far frorm over. Today I feel much calmer. I’m going to shave, shower, and go out.
When Mike gets home I’m going to give him what he’s been literally and figuratively asking for over the last three days. And after it’s over, I will not smoke. I know there’s a joke in there somewhere.

So, I want to thank every single one of you for helping me though this. You really have no idea how much you all helped. I re-read all your comments a hundred times. I would have not made it without you. So thanks again. To quote the Divine Miss M, “But you got to have friends….”

I was going to end this with, “I love you all”. But I refuse to expose myself so nakedly on the internet.










Psst, hey you. Yeah you. I love you.
Now turn away before I blush.

Day Two:The Mailman And Bugs Bunny Slippers

Sorry folks. I tried like hell to put the mailman story down on paper, but I can’t. It was one of those “you had to be there” things. Let’s just say I was out walking my cat. If you read the piece about my cat you know that she can’t go out alone. So after meowing for about an hour at the front door, I bungle up and took her out. The street was deserted except for the mailman who was a few houses down. I had a two days growth of a beard, dressed in Batman pajamas, a huge winter coat, and giant furry bedroom slippers with Bugs Bunny’s face on the front of them. I was also pacing back and forth mumbling incoherently to myself. In short, I looked totally insane. And to make matters worse, this was not my usual mailman, so he had no idea who I was.
Anyway my cat got too close to the curb, so I suddenly screamed out “NO!” at top of my lungs. Seeing no animal or anyone else but me, the mailman, who was now on my step, stops dead. Completely startled he turned around and said, “Don’t you want your mail mister?”
See you had to be there.
So I made it though day two, with relative ease. As a matter of fact it’s been too easy. And I only chewed 7 pieces of the gum instead of the recommended 1 every hour.
I have a feeling a whopper is coming tomorrow. We shall see. I thank God that I didn’t have to leave the house. Maybe that’s why it’s easier this time.
BTW- I’m not shaving to punish Mike for forcing this on me. He hates when I don’t shave. In short I’m punishing him for trying to save my life. Maybe I did go crazy.