The Real Meaning Of Life

“As my father said to me as he lay dying in my arms, “I never understood any of it. I never did”
The Boys In The Band

I’ve been seeing physiatrists all my life. Frankly I think most are mentally ill and chose that profession to help themselves. I know what they are going to say before they say it and usually hate going to them. Except one. His name was Dr. Glass and is now practicing in New York. He said two of the most insightful things to me I’ve ever heard.
I once spent thirty days in the most luxurious loony bin on the face of the earth. It was called “The Institute Of Pennsylvania Hospital”. Judy Garland stayed there and I was in the very room James Taylor wrote, “Fire And Rain”. I don’t know how I ended up there but at this point I was really a mess. AIDS just hit and I went so crazy I’m surprised they even let me go.
While I was there I was given a battery of tests. Almost everyday there was another test. When they were through I was sent to Dr. Glass’ office. He had a stack of papers two feet high. I walked in sat down and waited for the verdict. “You know you have a genius I.Q.” I said no, I didn’t know that. “It doesn’t matter though because you have absolutely no ambition.” “Is that bad” I asked. “It is what it is” he said. As I sat there wondering if I’d been insulted or not he started asking me the most bizarre questions.
“What color is the lamp behind you?”, “What is the third painting of on the left side of the hallway to this office? Without looking down, tell me the color of the rug in this room?” What was the last person wearing before you came in here?” He asked a lot of those questions and I answered every one correctly.
Then he said this,"Your main problem Michael, not your only problem, but your main problem is that you take in too much. You see every thing as equal in importance. This is very unusual". “Well that’s just great”, I said, “any more good news?” “You also live five minutes in the future”. “And what the hell does that mean?” I asked. He then turned the clock around and asked, “What time is it?” I said four minutes to three. “And what exactly are you thinking right now?” “How to open the door to leave. I don’t see the usual tissue box on your desk. I don’t know how I’m going to open it without them”.” Exactly” he said. Then he took the tissue box from were he was hiding it, and asked, “Do you understand now?”
I was completely floored. He was absolutely right. About everything.
“Now what” I asked. “Now I will see you as an outpatient, twice a week. Your insurance will cover it”. “Will I get better?” I feebly asked. “If you want to.” And with that I left.
After that I did get better, but it took a very long time. And as you all now by now I had a bit of a relapse. There’s just too much information. Twenty four hours a day. And I want to know it all. But, as the expression goes, the more I learn the less I know.
So what did I finally learn? The most important thing in this life is to have fun. Make it a priority. We are never going to figure out this life. So why bother? Make friends, without them you are nothing.
And the saddest part of all is that my Father told me that everyday of his life. He once said to me,”Michael isn’t it great just to walk down the street?” I looked at him like he was crazy. He laughed and just said, “One day you’ll understand”
Well Dad now I understand. Tell God no more nervous breakdowns for me. Are you proud of me? I know, stupid question.

Note:Two masters at work.I should tell you that it takes a couple minures before they sing. But when they do, chills.