Day One: Annoyed By Gum

Thursday night it hit me that there was no way I could do this cold turkey. So I went out and bought a box of “Stop Smoking” gum. I won’t name the exact product because I just read business’ are sewing people who complaining about their products on their blogs. Yes, I am so nervous, that I have become this extremely paranoid.
I asked the asked the saleslady for the strongest one. She handed me the 4mg one for “those who smoke 25 or more cigarettes a day”. Since I smoked 40 or more, I asked here if there was a stronger one. She kind of looked at me in a startled way and asked how much I smoked. Being the extremely irritated bitch I’d already become I answered,” On a good day, six packs”. After putting her eyes back in their sockets she wished me good luck. Without looking back I said, “Yeah, thanks lady”, and flew out.
All the way home I wondered how many packs of cigarettes $41.00 (on sale) would have bought me.
I got home, ripped open the box and got immediately annoyed. It said it was an eight week program. I found this to be absolute bullshit. Nobody takes eight weeks to withdrawer from anything. This was just a way of selling more of their product. I instantly hated this “Stop Smoking Company”, anybody who works for them, their children and their children’s children. Then I got to the directions. Who the hell needs directions to chew gum? After making sure I didn’t accidentally pick up “Stop Smoking Gum For the Mentally Challenged” I read on. The directions had 7 steps. I’ll sum it up for you. You can’t chew the gum until after 15 minutes have passed since you ate or drank anything. Then you have to chew it until you feel a “tingling sensation”, then you “park” it in you mouth , wait for the tingling sensation to end, chew it again till the tingling sensation returns, then repeat this process for 30 minutes. Sounds easy, right? Wrong.
After putting the first piece in my mouth I chewed the gum but was never sure whether or not I found the tingling sensation or just the “fresh mint taste”. I really expected a dramatic tingling sensation. I gave this so much concentration that it gave me a headache so sever it sent me bed. I still have it. So I just guessed. And I only used the gum when I really felt I needed it. They are not going to con me into buying this for eight weeks. On the plus side, the gum really does have a calming effect. That is after you stop worrying about whether or not you found that tingling feeling or not.

So day one can be summed up in three words: irritability, headache and constipation.

So far day two has me felling so hungry I could eat a horse. Bring on the weight gain.