"Private Misty Reporting For Duty. Sir!"
His name was Anthony, and he was as hot as hell. He was a very handsome and masculine young man who also happened to be in the Army Reserves. I was a manager at a restaurant at the time. One day Anthony came in looking for a job, and of course I hired him immediately. The second he left I was confronted by a gaggle of gay waiters and every woman who was working at the time. “Did you hire him? Did you hire him?” I was standing at the podium at the time, so in order look at them, I had to look down. From that view, they were so exited and their mouths were flapping so quickly that they looked exactly like hungry baby birds. So I looked down at this flock and said, “But of course my darlings.” I swear I thought they were going to throw me over their shoulders and parade me around. They were that exited. And frankly so was I.
From day one he set of my gaydar. There was something different about him I just couldn’t put my finger on. But he had a girlfriend and all, so I chalked it up to wishful thinking. But on his very first day he asked me,” Michael, can I ask you a personal question?” I said it depended on just how personal the question was. He said never mind and started to walk away. I stopped him and said,” Go ahead Anthony ask your question”. “Are you gay” he asked. “Yes I am” I answered, “Does that make you uncomfortable?” “No,I just wanted to know”. And away he went.
From then on questions from him about my sexuality never stopped. Of course this old chestnut was among the first. “When did you first realize you were gay” I gave him my stock answer to any presumed straight man who has ever asked me that question,” The second I looked at you baby” Then I brace myself for either a laugh or a sock on the jaw. Amazingly I never got the sock on the jaw. And I didn’t this time either. He just laughed and said, “You’re not going to answer me, are you?” I said, “Anthony if I knew the answer I would tell you. Let’s just say it was from the second I could remember”.
So one day he asks me this:”Michael, I don’t have a computer. Do you mind if I use yours to see if my favorite porn star has a website? In my mind I was thinking “Hmm, hot man + porn = erection, leading to who knows what?!!” Mind you this was long before I met my partner and was in the middle of a long dry spell. So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Sure, why not?”
So the second the shift was over I grabbed him and announced,” Great job everybody, see you all tomorrow. WE are leaving now.” Every jaw in the place dropped to the floor.
I got in my car and he got in his. I must have driven at 90 MPH , I was amazed he kept up. When we got to my tiny little studio apartment, the first thing he did was pull a very stuffed book bag out of his trunk. You know those things that students carry their books in over their shoulders? Of course I took this as sign that he spending the night. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.
So we get on the computer and sure enough this porn star had a website. The front page of the website only had a picture of her face and boobs. He gazed at her and gushed,” Isn’t she just beautiful. She makes me so horny! Can I jerk off?’ After catching my breath, I asked back, “Can I watch?” “I guess so” he answered. Now what I wanted to say was, “WELL THEN PLEASE, BY ALL MEANS, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. Jerk off at the computer, jerk off on the table, jerk off in the yard. As long as I can watch you can jerk off in the middle of the frigging street for all I care”. But all I said was, “Then go right ahead”
In a flash he in was in the bathroom. My bathroom so was literally two feet from my computer. So when I say in a flash I mean in a flash. He was in that bathroom so quickly I didn’t even notice he grabbed his book bag on the way.
So 15 minutes pass by, then 20. I knocked at the door and asked him if he was alright. He said yes, he just had to get ready. “Get ready?” What does one have to do to get ready to masturbate? Five minutes later I found out.
In a completely different voice I heard “I’m ready” come out of my bathroom. Then he dramatically slammed the door open. What I saw gave me shock so intense I almost passed out. I am not exaggerating this story in the slightest. I wish I were. He was dressed from head to toe exactly like “Frank’N’Furter” from the “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. I scanned him down from the wig, to the make up, to the pearl necklace, to the corset, to the fingerless gloves, to the panties, to the garter belt, to the stockings, to the angle bracelet, to the pumps. This man did not forget a thing.
And then he said, “Anthony is gone now. My name is Misty. Refer to me only as Misty. And be careful, I hate men” “Should I be scared” I asked. “That’s up to you”.
Now my feeling of shock was replaced by absolute terror. I thought of calling 911, but I was afraid he might have a gun in that book bag. That’s how totally freaked out I was.
He went to work right away. He clicked on “pictures”. Apparently this porn star was a “chicks with dicks” porn star. Which only made the situation that much more surreal. He kept saying, “doesn’t she have a huge dick?” over and over again. I just kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to risk angering “Misty”. He then asked me if I had a dildo. I didn’t, and when I told him I half expected him to try to strangle me to death. He then shoved two figures up there and demanded that I tell him how pretty he was.
OK at first this was almost easy.” Oh Misty your eyes are beautiful” etc. But he kept demanding more compliments and I was running out of things to say. So bizarre words like, “Misty your hair is like a beautiful field of golden wheat. I want to run barefoot though your hair”, started coming out of my mouth.
Finally with a few squirts and a high pitched squeal it was over. This squeal sounded exactly like a seagull that was just pelted by a rock. Whenever I see a seagull that managed to fly so far inward from the ocean to Philly, I’m reminded of him. He was back it his original clothes and washed off his make up much more quickly than it took him to get into his drag. On his way out he said this to me, “Michael, you are the only one I trust with this secret. If you tell anyone else I will kill you”. I said, “You’re kidding, right?” He said, “No, I’m not kidding. As much as I like you Misty must remain a secret. So I will kill you.” And with charming goodbye he was gone.
Now everything else was now replaced by blind fury. I don’t particularly enjoy having my life threatened. Especially by someone I invited into my home. I invited him in for completely selfish reasons; still I did invite him in. And at that time I knew junkies that would gladly break his legs for a dime back of crack. So I wasn’t the least bit frightened once he left the house. Had he not threatened my life, I would have kept it to myself. It would of killed me, but I would have.
So I immediately got out my phone book and gave every detail of just what happened to everyone I worked with. It took about two hours. Then I called him and got an answering machine. So I just left this message, “Anthony I think I just slipped and let your secret out, to every single person at work. So I guess you’ll have to kill me. And by the way, expect to have you’re legs broken. I hope they'll still look good in stockings."
Of course I never did ask for his legs to be broken. And for about a month or two I was a little scared he might show up at my front door or wait for me after work. Then I found out he moved the day after the incident. They didn’t know where he moved to, but I suspect it was Transylvania.
From day one he set of my gaydar. There was something different about him I just couldn’t put my finger on. But he had a girlfriend and all, so I chalked it up to wishful thinking. But on his very first day he asked me,” Michael, can I ask you a personal question?” I said it depended on just how personal the question was. He said never mind and started to walk away. I stopped him and said,” Go ahead Anthony ask your question”. “Are you gay” he asked. “Yes I am” I answered, “Does that make you uncomfortable?” “No,I just wanted to know”. And away he went.
From then on questions from him about my sexuality never stopped. Of course this old chestnut was among the first. “When did you first realize you were gay” I gave him my stock answer to any presumed straight man who has ever asked me that question,” The second I looked at you baby” Then I brace myself for either a laugh or a sock on the jaw. Amazingly I never got the sock on the jaw. And I didn’t this time either. He just laughed and said, “You’re not going to answer me, are you?” I said, “Anthony if I knew the answer I would tell you. Let’s just say it was from the second I could remember”.
So one day he asks me this:”Michael, I don’t have a computer. Do you mind if I use yours to see if my favorite porn star has a website? In my mind I was thinking “Hmm, hot man + porn = erection, leading to who knows what?!!” Mind you this was long before I met my partner and was in the middle of a long dry spell. So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Sure, why not?”
So the second the shift was over I grabbed him and announced,” Great job everybody, see you all tomorrow. WE are leaving now.” Every jaw in the place dropped to the floor.
I got in my car and he got in his. I must have driven at 90 MPH , I was amazed he kept up. When we got to my tiny little studio apartment, the first thing he did was pull a very stuffed book bag out of his trunk. You know those things that students carry their books in over their shoulders? Of course I took this as sign that he spending the night. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.
So we get on the computer and sure enough this porn star had a website. The front page of the website only had a picture of her face and boobs. He gazed at her and gushed,” Isn’t she just beautiful. She makes me so horny! Can I jerk off?’ After catching my breath, I asked back, “Can I watch?” “I guess so” he answered. Now what I wanted to say was, “WELL THEN PLEASE, BY ALL MEANS, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. Jerk off at the computer, jerk off on the table, jerk off in the yard. As long as I can watch you can jerk off in the middle of the frigging street for all I care”. But all I said was, “Then go right ahead”
In a flash he in was in the bathroom. My bathroom so was literally two feet from my computer. So when I say in a flash I mean in a flash. He was in that bathroom so quickly I didn’t even notice he grabbed his book bag on the way.
So 15 minutes pass by, then 20. I knocked at the door and asked him if he was alright. He said yes, he just had to get ready. “Get ready?” What does one have to do to get ready to masturbate? Five minutes later I found out.
In a completely different voice I heard “I’m ready” come out of my bathroom. Then he dramatically slammed the door open. What I saw gave me shock so intense I almost passed out. I am not exaggerating this story in the slightest. I wish I were. He was dressed from head to toe exactly like “Frank’N’Furter” from the “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. I scanned him down from the wig, to the make up, to the pearl necklace, to the corset, to the fingerless gloves, to the panties, to the garter belt, to the stockings, to the angle bracelet, to the pumps. This man did not forget a thing.
And then he said, “Anthony is gone now. My name is Misty. Refer to me only as Misty. And be careful, I hate men” “Should I be scared” I asked. “That’s up to you”.
Now my feeling of shock was replaced by absolute terror. I thought of calling 911, but I was afraid he might have a gun in that book bag. That’s how totally freaked out I was.
He went to work right away. He clicked on “pictures”. Apparently this porn star was a “chicks with dicks” porn star. Which only made the situation that much more surreal. He kept saying, “doesn’t she have a huge dick?” over and over again. I just kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to risk angering “Misty”. He then asked me if I had a dildo. I didn’t, and when I told him I half expected him to try to strangle me to death. He then shoved two figures up there and demanded that I tell him how pretty he was.
OK at first this was almost easy.” Oh Misty your eyes are beautiful” etc. But he kept demanding more compliments and I was running out of things to say. So bizarre words like, “Misty your hair is like a beautiful field of golden wheat. I want to run barefoot though your hair”, started coming out of my mouth.
Finally with a few squirts and a high pitched squeal it was over. This squeal sounded exactly like a seagull that was just pelted by a rock. Whenever I see a seagull that managed to fly so far inward from the ocean to Philly, I’m reminded of him. He was back it his original clothes and washed off his make up much more quickly than it took him to get into his drag. On his way out he said this to me, “Michael, you are the only one I trust with this secret. If you tell anyone else I will kill you”. I said, “You’re kidding, right?” He said, “No, I’m not kidding. As much as I like you Misty must remain a secret. So I will kill you.” And with charming goodbye he was gone.
Now everything else was now replaced by blind fury. I don’t particularly enjoy having my life threatened. Especially by someone I invited into my home. I invited him in for completely selfish reasons; still I did invite him in. And at that time I knew junkies that would gladly break his legs for a dime back of crack. So I wasn’t the least bit frightened once he left the house. Had he not threatened my life, I would have kept it to myself. It would of killed me, but I would have.
So I immediately got out my phone book and gave every detail of just what happened to everyone I worked with. It took about two hours. Then I called him and got an answering machine. So I just left this message, “Anthony I think I just slipped and let your secret out, to every single person at work. So I guess you’ll have to kill me. And by the way, expect to have you’re legs broken. I hope they'll still look good in stockings."
Of course I never did ask for his legs to be broken. And for about a month or two I was a little scared he might show up at my front door or wait for me after work. Then I found out he moved the day after the incident. They didn’t know where he moved to, but I suspect it was Transylvania.
posted by mike in philly at 2:16 AM
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