I'm Pissed!

OK, I’m pissed. Really pissed. I’m so pissed I can barely see.

I’m pissed that my partner was just laid off from a job he worked for ten years without missing a single fucking day. For “financial reasons”. Financial reasons my ass. They’re just pissed because I lost control at the office Christmas party and screwed him on top of the Xerox machine. I’m kidding, but I wish that I wasn’t. Right now all I feel like doing is putting everyone at that company the hell they’re putting us through.

I’m pissed that I have Chronic Fatigue Disorder and have become almost worthless. I used to tell myself that things could be much worse. Fuck that. Things could also be a lot better. I know that sounds crazy, but at this moment, this is how I feel. I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this.

I’m pissed that most people have no idea what this condition is. Or worse yet, that it isn’t even a real condition. That I am imagining my fevers of 102. That I am imagining the ache in my bones, the sweating at night, the struggle it takes to get out of bed every morning. The bizarre fact that one day I’m fine and the next day I’m almost crippled. That this is “all in my head”. Well right now, I would like to take their heads and pound them on a wall.

I’m pissed that I’m even feeling anger toward these people that are simply ignorant. I hope it passes and passes fast. It makes me feel ugly. And feeling ugly makes me pissed.

I’m pissed that my Father was a W.W.I I veteran and the military didn’t pay one cent toward his funeral. My Mother assumed they would and could only afford a small insurance policy. This insurance company didn’t cover a tenth of the funeral. All they sent us was a flag. Well the flag was nice, but so is eating. My Mother had to borrow the money to pay for the funeral. So right now even feeding herself is a struggle. This pisses me off so badly that some days I think I will lose my mind over it.

I’m pissed that Impeachment is even a matter of discussion. What the fuck is there to discuss?

I’m pissed that right now I can look out my window and see two homeless people. I’m the only one that gives them the dignity to talk to them. I have learned that both of them are Vietnam War veterans. This pisses me off.

I’m pissed that there are people who have to decide between heating their homes and eating this winter.

I’m pissed that every human being doesn’t have heath insurance.

I’m pissed that some people still see homosexuality as a sexual issue. IT’S ABOUT LOVE YOU STUPID HATEFULL IDIOTS.

I’m pissed that I don’t have the energy to type out everything I’m pissed about.

I’m pissed about every social injustice ever commented.

I’m pissed that so many gay kids commit suicide.

I’m pissed that I drank away ten years of my life. I’m pissed that I had to file for bankruptcy, that at the age of 39 I had to start my life all over again. I’m pissed that I can’t apologize to everyone I put through hell over this.

I’m pissed because the reason I can’t apologize is because they died of AIDS.

I’m pissed that some stupid young people are not using condoms. They think it’s now no longer a death sentence. I know people with AIDS. It may no longer be an instant death sentence, but it isn’t exactly a pleasant life. Some of these people throw up continuously because of their “drug cocktail”.

I am pissed because I am so fucking pissed.

OK, if I don’t stop now, I just might never stop. I will not apologize for my ranting. I had to get this off my chest. And I consider you all as friends. I’m sorry if you find that statement presumptuous. But that is how I feel. And I believe that’s what friends are for.If this presumption pisses you off, feel free to let me know.